KT So is Kinda My Dream Slut

I like this bitch so much I think I should join her fan club and work up the ranks, becoming president. I think it is my calling. I mean, either that or printing up pics of her, masturbating on them, and taking pics of my load on her pics, then sending her the pics on Twitter—it’s a toss up. So while I work out these issues and challenges in front of me when it comes to how I’m gonna deal with KT, here are her hot pics…

Kate Upton is The Cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

I was lied to. 

Just the other day, I was told that Nina Agdal was the new Kate Upton, and despite looking handicapped, I thought, “Thank God, a girl with a good body is finally getting back into the bikini model leading role!”

But I should have known better. Kate Upton’s tits get hits and the past year has been a series of her getting job after job…becoming more and more famous…proving that dudes don’t care about hot fit bodies. They just care about sloppy fucking tits. She’s not hot, not deserving, and there’s no real reason for her to be at this level. She must be related to someone important, somewhere, because seriously, she’s a total pig…but a pig that people love staring at and a pig they throw on the cover because maybe, just maybe, it will sell some copies, despite no one buys magazines anymore because everything is online, idiots.

This is a disappointment…but at least they took my advice when they said, “if we’re gonna put her on the cover, let’s get her in a snow suit, because a snow suit is the best bikini for her shitty body type.”

I blame all you tit-obsessed kids who weren’t breast-fed…

Bregje Heinen is New Here Too

Bregje is a Dutch name that sounds like you’re throwing up, so it doesn’t work on fat chicks or anyone who isn’t a model. Luckily for Bregje Heinen, she is a 19-year-old model so her name sounds as glorious as can be as she poses in bikinis like it was 2011 and she was doing the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show…that I guess she didn’t do all that good of a job on because she’s no longer part of that criminal organization.

However, she’s been able to leverage it to get more half-naked work…like she’s doing here for some company…and the funny thing about these bikini models I always write about is that they are so good in pictures, but I know that if I was next to them in person, dealing with their 6 foot 11 bodies next to my 5 foot 9, I would feel a little weirded-out…but since I don’t leave my house, these pics are all I have. It works for me…

Nina Mascunana is Going Places

Nina Mascunana is some former low-level TV personality who quit her show to reinvent herself and she’s doing it by posing in slutty swimwear, so that people who never watched that shitty show realize that she’s here, she’s serious, she’s willing to get naked for the right gig, and she’s got big tits that should lead to more fame. She’s young and making the right moves that I endorse…because any girl who takes her low-level fame and starts stripping for higher-level fame is my kind of girl…

Cristal Vang’s Vagina Definition for The World

Cristal Vang is some nobody Miss Chinatown 2010 who managed to score a photoshoot with some low-level titty magazine…in what looks like an amateur softcore porn shoot…supported by mainstream advertising…those sleazy fucks.

In doing this shoot, she also decided to show off her great boobs and more importantly, her vagina definition…making her worth staring at.

She’s been in FHM and some other shit and if you stare at these pics for six hours like I have, you’ll know exactly what her twat looks like…and that’s something you all need in your life…because I figure every girl should introduce herself to the world like that.